Read You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters By Kate Murphy

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When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you?"If you’re like most people, you don’t listen as often or as well as you’d like. There’s no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset—and this book does it with science and humor." -Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take**Hand picked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Susan Cain, and Daniel Pink for Next Big Ideas Club**"An essential book for our times."-Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to SomeoneAt work, we’re taught to lead the conversation.On social media, we shape our personal narratives.At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians.We’re not listening.And no one is listening to us.Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it’s making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here.In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we’re not listening, what it’s doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice, You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion. It’s time to stop talking and start listening.

Book You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters Review :

This book’s most important lesson may be a collection of tenets you must believe to be an effective listener: (1) People are unpredictable — everyone you know or meet. (2) What you know is different from what they know. (3) There is more to the story than first appears. Kate Murphy then effectively exposes what you can *do* with those truths — how to commit to listening and its magical (though scientifically explained) ability to enrich you through learning and building close relationships. Read the book with a pen in hand — there’s no 1-pager cheat-sheet at the end.That said, brace yourself for a certain preachiness that infuses every chapter. I wish that the book centralized all the critiques of the modern world (social media, addictive phones, political climate, etc.), so that the other chapters could more purely focus on the intersection of listening and *timeless* characteristics of the human experience (distractability, building of intimacy, a beautiful question, etc.). Instead, you’ll have to muscle through the sense that the author keeps touching on those critiques since she thinks you JUST DO NOT GET IT YET.I also think there’s an important topic the author missed, or only brushes against: How to engender an environment where you will be listened to. It’s true that listening itself will have this impact — a great way for a person to say with genuine curiosity, “How was your day?”, is to first have that very conversation about *their* day. But you can’t rely on others to bring the same focus and intent to conversations as you will after reading this book. Is there any evidence out in the world of how to help someone *else* shift into “listener” mode? After all, the author makes the case that the best conversations — and even business or academic partnerships — involve *all* participants being listeners.That said, this is an important work. I’ve looked for accessible best practices for listening, and this is the first I’ve found, and it’s new. I celebrate and thank Kate Murphy for her inspiration and her legwork to give me a framework and tactics to become a better human.
This book's point of departure is clear and sounds promising -- "you don't know how to listen, don't even know that you're not listening, and it's hurting you" -- but alas Murphy never pushes it much further than that. What is this book's thesis? What is its prescription for remedying the problem? We get bits and pieces, but there is no analytic foundation here, and no methodology to keep it all hanging together. Call it the curse of Malcolm Gladwell: throughout this book, within the space of every page or two, we are introduced to supposed experts and cherry-picked stories that have the patina of science but that are never really tested, and that on the whole fail to cohere. Pad it out with less than convincing and highly unoriginal attacks on social media, and you have a book that fails to live up to its billing.

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